Everybody Loves Lulu
by The Green Fairy
Summary: Poor Lulu has to deal with everyone around her, even thought she thinks that most of them are morons! What WILL she do? Please R&R. Part 2 will be up soon! I promise!


Everybody Loves Lulu  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill- I don't own anyone from FFX but I wish I did! Anyways, I thought I'd write a bit of humor so here it is. Hope you like it!  
  
First, a touching passage from the book of Lulu:  
  
In the beginning, there was Lulu. Lulu was in the beginning, and in the beginning all that there was, was Lulu. On the first day of the beginning, Lulu took in her surroundings, and said, "Yevon help me, I've been surrounded by idiots the whole time and I didn't even know it." And that was the word, and the word was good. And there was much rejoicing.  
  
Part 1- Tidus' True Self  
  
"Hey, Lulu! Come here! I need your help." Tidus' voice came from outside Lulu's room at the inn, at some city somewhere in the middle of a barren wasteland no one really knew about, and even if they did know about it, they would never want to move there. From the room, there was silence. "Lulu! Lululululululululululululululu!!!"  
  
"TIDUS! Shut UP!!!" Lulu screeched as she flung open the door, looking at him very angrily.  
  
"What were you doing in there? It took you long enough." I was fixing my hair.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You're a moron."  
  
"Is that a reason?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Its is?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Wow, that's really neat Lulu!! You're so smart, you should be Yuna's guardian!" The raven-haired woman gave him the evil eye and growled,  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I need you to help me with something."  
  
"What is it this time?" She really didn't want to know. Last time he wanted her help, it was to aid him in his business called "Tidus' Big Business for Putting Shoes on Chocobos". Chocobos don't like shoes, and she wished never to try to put a pair on one again.  
  
"I started a falafel hut! It's set up out front!"  
  
"You WHAT? Tidus, you need to seek mental advice." Lulu was convinced now that the question was not, "Did someone drop you on your head when you were a baby," but, "How many times were you dropped on your head as a baby?"  
  
"I started a falafel hut, and I'm calling it "Zanarkand Falafel! Picture it Lulu! Big bucks! Touring the world! Climbing the-"  
  
"Tidus, we've already toured the world. Now get to the point, what exactly do you want me to do?"  
  
"You get to help me deliver!" She rolled her eyes and walked back in her room, closing the door in his face. "If you don't, I'll violate Yuna!" The door was blown down as the little moogle doll ran forth and scorched Tidus with Firaga.  
  
"Fine," Lulu growled, walking out and standing on top of him, "I'll go, but you won't like it."  
  
"Yay!"  
  
No one had called to make an order. Lulu had been sitting by the phone for 5 hours, and was currently dozing while Tidus counted imaginary money, which his imaginary customers had given to him imaginarily. Suddenly, the phone rang. Awakening, yawning, and answering the phone with no real hurry, Lulu's voice greeted the customer.  
  
"Zanarkand Falafel's" She said unenthusiastically.  
  
"Hi," The person on the phone said. "I'd like to place an order."  
  
"Speak."  
  
"What do you serve?"  
  
"……….Falafels."  
  
"Okay! I'll have two."  
  
"It'll be there someday, sir."  
  
"Great!"  
  
"What's your address, sir?"  
  
"666 Satan Drive."  
  
Lulu hung up the phone and looked to Tidus. "You've got a real customer now, so stop telling your imaginary policeman that your extensive fortune has been coveted and get 2 fixed."  
  
"Two whats?"  
  
"Hog-tied rodeo clowns, dimwit."  
  
"Don't you mean to falafels?"  
  
"Yes, Tidus. Yes.  
  
"Okidokee! It'll be ready in a jiffy." Yipee ya-hoo. After Tidus spent 10 minutes in the kitchen of the…hut, the two were off on their expidition  
  
It started out with Tidus carrying the bag of food, and Lulu trailing behind. 666 Satan Drive was the only house on this barren wasteland, so it was easy to spot. What was also easy to spot was that it was terribly far away, and the more they neared it, the more it moved away.  
  
"The Zanarkand Falafel is the Falafel for you and me! Zanarkand Falafel, Z Z Zanarkand Falafel for you and me!" Tidus sang as he danced merrily, despite their current condition. They had been walking for about an hour, Lulu was hungry, and Tidus was acting like a freak.  
  
"Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. Ow. Ow." She moaned as they continued their journey. "My feet are killing me."  
  
"Don't be so pessimistic, Lu!! We'll be there any time now!"  
  
2 hours later….  
  
"I'M SO HUNGRY!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!" Lulu had finally lost it and had dropped to her knees, nearly frothing at the mouth.  
  
"Come on, Lulu! Singing will keep your spirits up! Join me in the chorus! Ooohhhhhhhh the Zanarkand Falafel is the falafel postivituitly! Zanarkand Falafal is the place for meeeeee!!!!!!"  
  
"Tidus, for once, do something sensible! Give me a falafel, or I shall KILL you!"  
  
"NO! It's for the customer!"  
  
"Who CARES about the customer?!"  
  
"I do!"  
  
"Well I don't!"  
  
Tidus gasped and gazed upon her in horror.  
  
"Lulu!!" Ah yes, this scene is very similar to that of one in Bikini Bottom, no? Tidus continued on, and Lulu literally dragged herself along on the ground. The blitzball player continued with his stupid song, making percussion noises with his mouth, then going into a Michael Jackson voice: "The Zanaaaaaarrrrkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd Falaaaaaaaafellll!!!!!! The Zanarkand Falafel is the Falafel for meeeeeeEEEEEEEE!!!!" Suddenly, Lulu jumped up, grabbed the bag from him, threw it up in the air, grabbed his sword, and whacked them into oblivion.  
  
"Oopsies. Guess we have to go back now." She said, handing him his sword and turning around to go home. Tidus followed.  
  
"Lulu, you gotta stop having these clumsy moments! They're just not good for the business!" They wandered for about a half an hour, when suddenly, the ground began to shake. Bounding towards them from behind was the giant Anima. Lulu stared for a moment, then screamed. The huge Aeon came up before them, and said in a booming voice.  
  
"WHERE IS MY FALAFEL?"  
  
"That was YOUR falafel?" Lulu screeched, still half in shock from the…interesting yet somewhat terrifying encounter.  
  
"Lulu accidentally sent them away." Surprisingly, the beast plopped down on its large bottom and began to weep.  
  
"All…. all I wanted is some nice falafel's…and I don't even get that! Why am I so mistreated?" it sobbed.  
  
"Don' worry, Anima. We'll get you some more falafels. And now that all the decay is over with, everything is going to be all right." Said Tidus, putting a comforting arm around it.  
  
"Oh please, "scoffed Lulu, "I'm going back to the inn. This is ridiculous!" Tidus and Anima wept together.  
  
Later that night, after Lulu had gotten back, she picked up the newspaper, and on the front cover was a very interesting article and picture. The picture was of two hog-tied rodeo clowns, and the caption below it said:  
  
Please, do what you can to help these poor, hog-tied rodeo clowns. First, they were beaten, thrown into a paper bag, and almost given to an Aeon for dinner. They claim it all happened at a place called Zanarkand Falafels. If you have any information about this place, please contact your local law enforcement immediately, so that, perhaps, one day, the abuse of hog-tied rodeo down will end, and peace will prevail.  
  
And Lulu laughed.  
  
End part 1. Hope everyone liked it! 


End file.
